​When My Body Brings Me Back

Today is the first day of my bleed. What a life. What an opportunity to feel my body again, to feel oneness. There are times I move through my days a little numb, just going through it, doing what needs to be done, not fully here. And then my cycle comes, and everything shifts. I feel alive again. It feels like a small death, and then a quiet rebirth. Like something in me breaks open just enough to remember. My body pulls me back. Slows me down. Softens me. Reminds me to breathe. And it’s wild, because this happens every month. And still, I forget. I get caught up in the rhythm of doing, pushing, holding it all together. Until my body gently interrupts me and says, come back. Come back to yourself. Come back to this moment. Come back to your breath.My cycle brings up the hardest parts of me. The parts I try not to hear. The thoughts I’ve pushed down. The emotions I’ve tucked away so I can keep showing up, keep being strong, keep being everything I think I need to be. And then here it all comes. Not to punish me, but to reveal me. To show me what’s still sitting inside my body, asking to be felt, asking to be seen, asking to be released.There are parts of it I don’t want to face. And there are parts of it I deeply need. Truths that don’t whisper… they rise. They ask me to slow down long enough to actually listen. To sit with myself without distraction. To feel what I’ve been avoiding. To soften where I’ve been holding tension. To let go of what I’ve outgrown, even when it’s uncomfortable.I love deeply. And sometimes that means I hold on longer than I should. Sometimes that means I carry things that were never mine to keep. And my body knows. My body always knows. My cycle doesn’t let me bypass it. It brings it all back to the surface so I can see clearly again. So I can feel clearly again. So I can choose differently, from a place that is honest and rooted and true.This isn’t just a physical process. This is a remembering. A returning. A shedding. Every month, I am given the chance to release what no longer belongs to me. To come back into my body. To come back into my truth. To come back into myself.And maybe that’s the gift in it all. Not the comfort. Not the ease. But the honesty. The way my body refuses to let me stay disconnected for too long. The way it brings me back, again and again, into something real.So today, I’m not rushing past it. I’m not numbing it. I’m not pretending I’m fine. I’m listening. I’m feeling. I’m allowing.Because this is where healing actually happens.If you’re in this space too, slow down with me. You don’t have to rush through what your body is trying to show you. There’s nothing here to fix. Only something here to feel.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Was Never Taught How to Be Healthy

​ 2 years ago, after coming back from Mexico, my hair started falling out… not just a little clumps. But the truth is, I had been silently dealing with things in my body long before that. Skin flare-ups, imbalance, discomfort that never fully went away. I went to the doctor, did what I was told, used the creams, followed the steps, trusting that it would work. But it never actually healed anything. It would quiet things down for a season, make it feel manageable, and then it would come right back. No one ever talked to me about my gut, about my nervous system, about my body as a whole living system that needs balance to function. It was always about fixing the symptom, not understanding the root.  As a licensed cosmetologist, I’ve worked closely with products, ingredients, hair, and skin for years, and that’s part of what made this even louder for me. I started to really see what we are surrounded by, what we’re told is safe, normal, necessary. And my body began rejecting it. My sk...
Read more

When Love Is Said But Not Lived

There is a love that is spoken fluently but never lived. It rolls off the tongue like scripture. It sounds devoted. It sounds sacred. But it is hollow. It has no embodiment. No sacrifice. No alignment between word and action. Some people fall in love with the sound of themselves loving you. They love the role. The image. The audience. They love being seen as devoted more than they love being devoted. And you feel the fracture immediately. It’s subtle. A glance that lingers too long. A tone that shifts. A defensiveness that rises too quickly. Your body registers it before your mind can explain it. But when you speak, they turn it back on you. You’re insecure. You’re projecting. You’re dramatic. Slowly, your clarity gets labeled as chaos. Gaslighting is not just lying. It is the rewriting of your reality while you are standing inside it. It is being told that what you see is not there. That what you feel is irrational. That your intuition is dangerous. And if you stay long enough, ...
Read more

When “I Love You” Starts Feeling Scary

​ The Last Two Years The last two years have probably been some of the hardest years of my life. Not because life completely fell apart, but because I had to learn how to keep living while carrying heartbreak, disappointment, grief, and fear all at the same time. There is something deeply painful about giving people your full trust, your softness, your honesty, and then having to rebuild yourself afterward when things break. Walking away from what hurts you is not for the weak. People talk about leaving like it’s empowering and freeing, but they don’t always talk about the darkness that follows. The lonely nights. The second guessing. The grief that comes in waves. The moments where your nervous system no longer knows what safety feels like around another human being. I think one of the hardest things for me has been learning how to feel safe with people again. Not just romantic relationships, but people in general. When trust gets broken deeply enough, your body remembers. Your ...
Read more