Learning to Walk Forward: Understanding My Abandonment Wound

​Today I realized something about myself that I had probably known deep down for a long time. I have abandonment issues. Saying that out loud isn’t easy. It’s a vulnerable thing to admit. But there is something powerful that happens when you finally put words to what has been quietly shaping your experiences, your reactions, your relationships, and the way you move through love. Awareness is where healing begins. For me, this realization didn’t come from a place of blaming anyone. It came from a place of looking honestly at my own heart and asking myself deeper questions. Why do certain things hurt so deeply? Why do certain situations trigger fear, sadness, or a feeling of being left behind? Why do I sometimes search for reassurance outside of myself? And the answer that began to unfold was simple, but deep. Part of me has been afraid of being abandoned. When you recognize something like that, it can feel heavy at first. But it can also be incredibly freeing. Because once you see it clearly, you can begin to work with it instead of being unconsciously controlled by it. Learning to navigate this part of myself means learning how to love myself differently. Not from things outside of me. But from things inside of me. For a long time it’s easy to think love is something we receive from others. We think love is proven through people staying, choosing us, validating us, showing up for us in the ways we hope they will. And those things do matter. Human connection matters. Being loved matters. Being supported matters. But if the foundation of your love for yourself depends only on what comes from outside of you, it becomes fragile. So this season of my life has been teaching me something deeper. It’s teaching me how to nurture what already lives within me. How to build a relationship with myself that doesn’t collapse the moment someone walks away. How to sit with myself, understand myself, and offer compassion to the parts of me that have been hurt. Because the truth is, some people will walk away. Some people won’t be there the way you hoped they would be. Some relationships end. Some people change. Some people choose different paths. That is part of life. But the truth is also this. Some people stay. Some people show up again and again. Through the beautiful moments and the hard ones. Through growth, change, misunderstandings, healing, and time. Family matters. People matter. Love matters. And how we show up for people matters. The effort we make. The honesty we bring. The compassion we offer. The way we stand beside someone when things are messy and imperfect. But something else matters too. How people show up for you. Healthy love is not one-sided. It’s not about constantly chasing someone who keeps leaving. It’s not about shrinking yourself to keep someone comfortable. It’s about mutual care. Mutual respect. Mutual presence. And part of healing abandonment wounds is learning how to recognize the difference. Another part of this healing has been learning how to release the past without letting it harden my heart. That can be one of the hardest parts. When someone hurts you, when someone leaves, when trust is broken, it can be tempting to close off. To protect yourself by assuming everyone will eventually do the same thing. But life doesn’t move forward when we live entirely in old wounds. People grow. People change. Sometimes people become better versions of themselves. Sometimes they learn lessons they didn’t understand before. And sometimes the most healing thing we can do is allow space for who someone wants to be today. Not forgetting the past. Not ignoring it. But not being trapped by it either. Every single day is a new day. Every day we all wake up and make choices. We choose how we treat people. We choose how we respond to challenges. We choose whether we repeat old patterns or grow beyond them. And in many ways, healing from abandonment is about making one simple but powerful decision over and over again. We either abandon who we want to become… or we abandon the version of ourselves we used to be. Growth asks us to walk forward. Not backwards. It asks us to release old fears that say we are unworthy of love. It asks us to stop chasing validation and begin building self-trust. It asks us to believe that even if someone leaves, we will still be okay. Because we will still have ourselves. This work isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable sometimes. It asks for honesty. It asks us to sit with emotions we may have spent years avoiding. It asks us to forgive, to soften, and to grow in ways we didn’t expect. It can feel challenging. But it is also deeply valuable. Because every step forward brings more freedom. More self-understanding. More peace. Today was one of those days for me. A day of realizing something deeper about myself. A day of seeing one of my wounds a little more clearly. But instead of feeling broken by that realization, I feel strengthened by it. Because awareness means growth is already happening. And today, I’m choosing to keep walking forward. Not perfectly. But honestly. And with love.

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