​Life Is Chaos and Holy All at Once

Life is chaotic. It is messy. It is loud and sometimes unforgiving. It will break your plans and stretch your heart and pull you into places you did not ask to go. And still… it is a miracle. 

Life is not meant to be clean. It is meant to be felt.

I have learned that when I stop fighting the chaos and start listening to it, there is wisdom there. The mess has medicine. The falling apart has truth. The grief has gold.

But none of that means anything until I become one with myself. Not with the version of me that other people prefer. Not with the version that tries to be easy. Not with the version that hides. With all of me.

The woman I was. The girl I used to be. The one that did not know better. The one that broke. The one that loved too hard. The one that left. The one that stayed. The one that kept going. I refuse to shame her. I honor her. I love her.

And I love the future version of me that I cannot see yet. I hold her like she is already here. I feed her with my choices. I protect her with my boundaries. I water her with my discipline. I believe in her.

When I learned to love every version of me past, present, and becoming something changed. Life is still a mess. But it became holy.

Because when you truly become one with yourself, when you respect your body and your spirit and your needs, when you stop abandoning yourself to feel chosen, when you fill your own cup with so much care that it overflows… you realize your life is not about anyone else.

This is about you. Your relationship with you. Your forgiveness of you. Your commitment to you.

When your cup is so full that it spills over, you are no longer seeking love. You are embodying it. You are not begging to be seen. You are standing in who you are.

Life is chaotic. And it is sacred. The beauty was never in the perfect plan. The beauty was in the woman who kept choosing herself through the fire.

That is the blessing. That is the life. And it starts within.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Was Never Taught How to Be Healthy

​ 2 years ago, after coming back from Mexico, my hair started falling out… not just a little clumps. But the truth is, I had been silently dealing with things in my body long before that. Skin flare-ups, imbalance, discomfort that never fully went away. I went to the doctor, did what I was told, used the creams, followed the steps, trusting that it would work. But it never actually healed anything. It would quiet things down for a season, make it feel manageable, and then it would come right back. No one ever talked to me about my gut, about my nervous system, about my body as a whole living system that needs balance to function. It was always about fixing the symptom, not understanding the root.  As a licensed cosmetologist, I’ve worked closely with products, ingredients, hair, and skin for years, and that’s part of what made this even louder for me. I started to really see what we are surrounded by, what we’re told is safe, normal, necessary. And my body began rejecting it. My sk...
Read more

When Love Is Said But Not Lived

There is a love that is spoken fluently but never lived. It rolls off the tongue like scripture. It sounds devoted. It sounds sacred. But it is hollow. It has no embodiment. No sacrifice. No alignment between word and action. Some people fall in love with the sound of themselves loving you. They love the role. The image. The audience. They love being seen as devoted more than they love being devoted. And you feel the fracture immediately. It’s subtle. A glance that lingers too long. A tone that shifts. A defensiveness that rises too quickly. Your body registers it before your mind can explain it. But when you speak, they turn it back on you. You’re insecure. You’re projecting. You’re dramatic. Slowly, your clarity gets labeled as chaos. Gaslighting is not just lying. It is the rewriting of your reality while you are standing inside it. It is being told that what you see is not there. That what you feel is irrational. That your intuition is dangerous. And if you stay long enough, ...
Read more

When “I Love You” Starts Feeling Scary

​ The Last Two Years The last two years have probably been some of the hardest years of my life. Not because life completely fell apart, but because I had to learn how to keep living while carrying heartbreak, disappointment, grief, and fear all at the same time. There is something deeply painful about giving people your full trust, your softness, your honesty, and then having to rebuild yourself afterward when things break. Walking away from what hurts you is not for the weak. People talk about leaving like it’s empowering and freeing, but they don’t always talk about the darkness that follows. The lonely nights. The second guessing. The grief that comes in waves. The moments where your nervous system no longer knows what safety feels like around another human being. I think one of the hardest things for me has been learning how to feel safe with people again. Not just romantic relationships, but people in general. When trust gets broken deeply enough, your body remembers. Your ...
Read more